Had last night happened 5 months ago I would have called it the best night of my life. But now i'm not sure what to make of it. On Friday night while I was at Adam's, Jon called me. I didnt have my phone on me because i had no pockets so naturally i didnt hear my phone go off. Jon got really worried because I hadn't responded to his texts nor had i called him back. So finally I checked my phone and called him. After going outside Adam and Colleen followed me and hung up the phone and Adam put it in his pocket. Then Adam called Jon back to explain what had happened but Jon wouldn't talk to him. Finally Adam was like you better call him back and tell him whats going on. When we finally did get on the phone and I explained what happened, Jon poured out his heart. I'm not quite sure how it started but I do know that Jon said the words "I miss you and think about you all the time and want to be with you." (Remember I've been drinking so my thoughts weren't exactly clear) at which point I began to tell him all the chances he had with me all the times I wanted to get back together and how he acted when those times came up. The conversation was much longer and more in-depth than this but it consisted pretty much of the above. Jon asked me to come see him the next night so that we could talk, etc. So I agreed, and then was about when to get off the phone when he asked me to please try and make it back to my dorm that night. (adam and i are really good friends and i usually stay there when we party so i dont have to walk back to my dorm) I told him that I couldn't promise that because I knew that Adam and I were going to talk for a while and it would be late by the time we were finished. I told him to trust me not to do anything with Adam. And that was that. At some point Adam come back outside to sit by me and rub my back while I getting frustrated with Jon.


After I got off the phone Adam and I sit outside for a little bit and talk until I start to get cold and then we go back inside. Just for commentary, this party was ABC (anything but clothes) so i had a sheet on as a dress. When we go inside no one who came with me is there and no one is wearing ABC. So Adam and I go upstairs so that I can change into regular clothes. We talk for a little bit and then finally head downstairs and then everyone starts to leave to go to another Quad so we decide to go too. That sucked, so we ended up coming back to the Quad and going up to his room to talk again. We ended up talking until 3-4ish. So obviously I stayed there and was true to my promise to Jon. In the morning I had to get up relatively early to get back to the room before Cait's mom got here. We went to the mall after Cait's mom left and then came back here. The girls, Dan, and I all had dinner at P&Js and then Mel and I came back to watch Hot Fuzz. I waited for Jon to call and then I got packed and headed to Lancaster.

I hadn't realized until I saw him and was in his arms how much I truly missed him. We talked and watched movies and were just together and I kept thinking to myself you have a big decision to make. We decided that we were going to take things really slow so as of now I would say in facebook terms we're 'it's complicated' and hopefully things will work out for the best.

As much as I know that Adam and I will never work out and I can't even picture myself with him, I still am going to miss him. It's not going to be the same without him next year (he's graduating) or this summer. I'm sure that we will still talk and such but it will never be the same. He's quickly turned into my best guy friend at school and someone that I can talk to about everything. I love that he's become comfortable enough around me to pick on me about little things and big things.



So basically I need to get through finals week and then the summer will be here and we'll see what happens...

I feel as though my life has completely changed since I started this livejournal. That seems like such a contradicting statement, but as I look back on my entries I realize that I've grown up more and I'm no longer that naive and innocent girl I used to know. Granted I'm a freshmen at college and back then I was a sophmore and juniorochanged. I still havent quite figured out if I'm happy with these changes or if I miss that girl. I think it's a mixture of both. I definitely miss being high school and not having to do any work. In a way I also miss Jon and our relationship. Right now I dont want to be in a relationship so I'm not pining after him, I'm just recalling that we had some very good times and I miss those days.

I also feel as though growing up in a small town and then being thrown into college is a bad mix. I'm afraid that I've taken advantage of the benefits of college more than I should have in my first semester. I feel like I'm failing at college because my high school didnt prepare me whatsoever for the course work. I'm so overwhelmed that I get stressed out and freak out at least once a week.

This post was brought on by a conversation that I had with Jon last night about how he's worried about me and thinks that I've completely changed. And to be honest I really have changed. In my opinion I dont think that I've changed for the worst. I'm no longer in a pit where I feel like Jon is the only one I would ever want to be with, etc. I go out have fun and hook up with guys. It's not like I've done this many times, once or twice is all actually. But in Jon's mind I've "lost my morals" and he thinks that I'm going to fuck up my life. I know what I'm doing and I'm not stupid. I feel as though when I make the choices he sees as mistakes that I'm making them carefully. Which in retrospect sounds dumb, but it's not like I dont take into account the consequences of my actions. I've only ever made ONE exceptionally stupid mistake while drinking. And I dealt with the problems that arose after wards and have moved on. Since then I've cut back on how much I drink at one time and know my limit.

The point of this post was pretty much to try and figure out if I like the person I've become. And to tell you the truth I still dont know. I guess it's something I'll figure out as time goes by.

Well it's been a rather long time since i've posted anything in here. i really haven't had much time. nor have i really wanted to post anything in here. myspace has become addicting. though it's starting to get boring when no one is on and all the bulletins are down. i really don't know what to say except that i'm am extremely bored and am sitting in the library right now.

I'm so ready to hear if I've been accepted to the college i want to go to. it's getting rather nervewrecking. and as with every other senior in America, i've had a full set of senioritis every since i sent in my transcripts and first quarter grades :P

it's amazing how much something can change your life. Being a senior in general has made me think about my future and what not. Suddenly i'm worried about everything. i'm becoming a bit of an unusual perfectionist. though i want everything i turn in to be perfect, i still wait until last minute to to do. Which doesn't make much sense.


well there goes the bell BYE :)

Alright so i'm in the band room right now because there are like no teachers here like at all. so here i am .. i've been here like all day... well the period is almost over i just decided to make a short entry..

byeee <3

I'm just updating to let you know that I am still a Myspace whore.

There is no need for anyone to respond to this. But feel free to if you wish.


Cuz yah know you love me ;)


♥

ah i'm updating....

i'm sorry livejournal. i've become a myspace whore. i can't help it. i have even abandoned my xanga.. *tear*



goodbye.

ok so i haven't been on in a while.
to update.

school sucks. and yeah.




have mondo stuff to do and not enough time.

hence why i quit my job.

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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aww this is sooo me :)

Bondage Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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haha. i'm kinky :D ;] yeah thats damn right.

Sticks and Stones may break bones, but chains and whips excite me! So throw me down on the ground and show me that you like me! ;]

^^ one of my favorite sayings :D








In your eyes, people see love... You're constantly
around people who love and adore you, or you're
the one spreading the love! You put passion
into everything you do and the results end up
great! You love to hang out with your friends,
go to the mall, and just have a good time in
general. Your sanctuary would just be being
able to be around other people. You would
rarely be found by yourself because you're a
very sociable person and enjoy all the company
you can get. However, despite the amound of
love you have to give to others, it can also be
your downfall. Sometimes you're just a tad over
protective over the things/people you love. But
hey! Who can blame you for marking your
territory? Your lover is extremely lucky to
have you because many others are probably
dieing to be with you, yet alone get a chance
to talk to you ^-^ Continue spreading the love
and be loved :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
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i <3 taking quizzes :)


OMG :O

Barbie Got Back! Go you! You're the closest thing
ever to a true black Barbie. Shake that fat
ass of yours.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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they know me soooo well ;]

The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
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ok i'm sorry. i still hate you, but like to put things like this in here :)